3 min read

The desk

First I measured it out with my feet. I've got to have clearance to roll back. One foot, hmm, that's probably enough. But oh, there's a glass door behind there, probably better get another foot of clearance. Yeah, that looks right.

Then: Tape measure. How wide? It's got to come out from here. Can't go far beyond there, it'll stick out, someone will smash into it, it'll be curtains. Okay, there looks good. It's got to be there. Fifty inches. Now go back. How long front to back? Thirty eight, okay, that seems reasonable. How tall? How tall's my laptop table? Well that's about twenty six and a half. How high to my eyes? Need another twenty two inches.

Now it's the laptop. Ten, fifteen, ten and a half. Okay, ten and a half for clearance when opened both ways. That's... a twelve-inch stand? That'll need to be secured. How? Clamps? I'll search... okay laptop stands is a dead end, just shitty products and no ideas. Next thing. Clamp secure to desk. Hm, that looks right but it's the wrong shape. Maybe if you shape the stand a little differently, or if you use one of those shitty ones. Let's try clamp to desk.

Hey, that one works. That thing there. Monitor shelf? That looks pretty close. Hmm. The weight limit seems right but it doesn't say how high. Okay, so that doesn't work. But that looks like the right thing. Maybe let's search for that. Clamp-on monitor stand. No, those products look wrong. Maybe this DIY is right? How to build your own monitor mount that clamps to any desk. Hmm, that looks like a sawed-off two by four with a metal pipe screwed on and it's clamped to the desk... I don't think that's quite what I want. Yeah, that is in fact definitely what it is. I can't put a laptop on that.

Hmmm, but that's a good idea, though, using a single piece of wood underneath the whole thing so you have something to clamp to the desk. That could work. It's never going to look pretty though... Not with clamps like that. Can we get some prettier clamps in here? Aesthetic?

Search... no. Search... no. Maybe hide furniture clamp? No, nuts on that. What do I want? Maybe some kind of fabric cover to hide it? That would look so out of place, though. Maybe I want some kind of bracket? It'll never be quite the right shape though. Unless I hit it with something hard. Hmm, but that won't look nice either. Hmm, maybe glue would work. That keeps the worktop intact.

But then how would I remove it if and when the time comes? Heat, maybe? I don't know, does that work for wood glue? It sounds like they're talking about toddler glue. I think would glue is probably made of sterner stuff, it's for furniture, it has to hold up in the heat. No, heat probably won't work. Not unless it gets a lot hot. Although... a hair dryer is probably a lot hotter than a hot summer day. So maybe. Petroleum jelly? No, that doesn't work, we're talking about gluing one wood piece to another, so the glue isn't exposed where the jelly can be applied. A remover? Same problem. Hmm.

Remove wood glue with hair dryer? Well that's getting me somewhere. Yes, remove wood glue with hair dryer on low heat and a putty knife. Maybe that works. Acetone... that sounds like a pain but sounds like you could pour it in the crack and leave the desk outside for the glue to dissolve. That could work. White vinegar, we've got loads of that stuff. WD-40, yeah. Vegetable oil, sure. Cooking oil, uh okay. Peanut butter?! Hmm, not sure if I buy that one. And mayonnaise?! I wonder — let's check the web archive... nothing. Too obscure or too new. Is this GPT-2 or GPT-3 having me on? I'd be mad. Not surprised but mad. If so, it's so well cleaned-up that I'm not even sure. I think it's person-text though? What about that website that tells you if text is from GPT-2? Search. There it is. Their RoBERTa concurs, it's not GPT-2. Good to know I'm at least getting fooled by a smarter language model if that's what it is.

It's probably person-text though.

This thing agrees it's probably person-text. Okay, good enough, tangent resolved.

So, maybe peanut butter mayo. Can't hurt to try I guess. Other than the smell.

Let's read some other stuff. Hmm, okay, yeah, skimming I see a few methods in common. And one of them even mentions mayo. So maybe.

That's not a bad place to start then. Maybe glue is the way. Definitely less noticeable long-term than clamps.