I tried screaming into the pillow today, and it really helped expand my range of vocal possibility. I got this from someone else. One of my podmates — a student I practice with — was thinking of ways to expand the upper range of energy that he's comfortable with. That's something I also had trouble with. He came up with the idea of screaming into a pillow. It was an excellent idea. I tried it after our class finished and this morning. In today's class I think I found the most energy yet.
I'm finding this is a pattern. I have this restricted way of relating to the world, or to myself. I think that things are a certain way. I can't think myself out of this. Getting past this restricted way of being means letting go a little and having a relevant experience that expands my range of "what is okay" or what is possible. I just have to do the thing, practice speaking, send that cold email, ask that somewhat rude question, and experience that thing working out "non-disastrously." Even well in some cases.
This feels related to the idea of common knowledge but less analytical-manipulative-calculating. It sounds like what I've read about cognitive behavioural therapy. It feels like enactive language.
I'm not sure if there is a nice term for this. It might be nice if there were. I nominate screaming into the pillow.